Really. I've gone on a few calls, felt like I was being helpful, but all that pales when I try to do an assessment in front of an instructor. I forget things. Bounce around. Things that seem like trivialities in the textbook are the things we get tested on for the written tests. Nothing is making sense right now.
I got smacked down on Monday night for not following the state approved list. Rightly so, but still it stung. I'm not the smartest kid in class for sure. Poor leadership skills (surely if I talk louder, then they will listen...) Little in the way of practical experience...
...but I just KNOW I'm going to be a good EMT. One of the best. I have to be. That's what I want, where I'm led.
It's only this large amount of work in front of me that's the problem.
Class Monday night, make-up class Tuesday night, Class tonight. I'm behind in readings, behind in making flash cards, behind in DRILLING the state practical list into my head. I'm treading water and it's up to my larynx. I need time. Time carved out to study, absorb, perfuse my tissues with this necessary knowledge. I need to get past this.